You need to log in to create posts and topics.

Devastated!! Someone please help!

Hi, I am so glad I found this site because I thought I was losing my mind. I have been engaged to a man for 8 years, we have a 5 year old girl and a baby girl just turned 1. We both never really were in a rush to get married because I was a single mom before I met him and I had health care for me and my son, then our first daughter. And we both worked in a bar for cash no benefits. So we always said we would get married before she started kindergarten so we could have the same last name and that was 5 years away we should have better jobs. Well I graduated college and he was the best fiancé and father. I was a bartender and met a lot of different men but this guy was different. Very quiet and shy, and morals like I have never seen on a man. Everyone who ever met him talks about what a nice or great guy he is. He never even speaks to girls in the bar and when I started staying home to raise our baby I wasn't jealous at all because he would never! Well it's 8 years later now. Our 2nd baby just turned 1 and I went back to work 1 or 2 nights. The timing is all so blurry but all at the same time he got health insurance and went to the dr for panic attacks he had sometimes. He put him on Paxil and it's been about 2 or 3 months. All at the same time he made a new best friend at work and started coming home 3 or 4 hours after closing because he was so drunk he had to sober up! The first time it happened he was sooo sorry he felt terrible, but it has happened every week since, and now 2 to 3 times a week. All of a sudden he tells his new bff that he don't wanna get married because of "how things are between us", but he could never tell me what he's talking about. Ever since then he is cold as ice and mean to me! I have never seen him be even rude to me. It's crazy because he's blaming it all on me saying it's so annoying he's sick of talking about it, but there was no problem before. I thought we were happy. Then for the first time I broke down in tears so confused I was losing it. For a split second he came back. He hugged me and rubbed my hair and said "I think it's the Paxil" Well that was like a bomb went off. I was a psych major, I wanted to be a therapist, why hadn't I realized?? That same night I found your site and it's all the same story. Now the other day he said he was going to the gym and long story short I found out before he even got home he went to lunch with a 21 year old stripper!! We're almost 40! And he is I mean was the most family oriented person, even more than me, now he seems to dislike us all. He don't get out of bed and he tells everyone at the bar that we haven't been happy in a long time. So now we both work there different days or nights and other people ask "what's goin on? or hows it goin at home?" So its so urgent because it seems like when he answers these questions it gets him thinking that we are so miserable. But we were just getting along when he left the house. He said he was stopping cold turkey and I begged him to read this site. He read a few stories and said ya maybe it sounds similar. But I am constantly trying to rationalize with him and he don't seem to believe he's changed. Except when he got caught with the girl he was so sorry and loves us so much and is going off paxil! But the very next day he was cold as ice again. I am dumbfounded. I want to move out tomorrow with our daughters and say fine youre gonna regret this, or just get the hell out to save my sanity. I'm not a big crier but I have been hysterical it seems all day every day for weeks. It's not good for anyone. But on the other hand I don't want to abandon him because I know this is not him! I know it's not! He even looks different, his pupils are huge and he just stares ahead when he's home, but at the bar he's the life of the party! I don't know if he really stopped cold turkey because this would be day 2 but he says he feels fine because hes only been on it 2 months. If he really cold turkey stops how long til he comes back to me? I want to stick by him. He stayed with me through an addiction and supported me, and I love him. But he's so mean! He says he don't even know if he wants me to stay. I'm gonna lose it. I think about picking up again but mine was opiates and I can't do that to my kids. I feel bad because he was such a fragile person I always nurtured him, and I feel bad that when he really sees the light it will be too late and I know he will be devastated and I don't want him to go through that. ALL he cared about were "his girls" and now he can't even stand to be near us. But people at the bar think he's so confident and fun now. I feel like this is a losing battle and I should get out now before I hurt my girls any more. Someone please help! I need to speak to someone! I'm gonna lose it! These babies haven't been properly cared for in days I do the bare minimum because I can't stop crying. What can I do? Thanks for letting me get that out.

Hopeless but hanging on.

Sadly, we hear this all the time, and yes it's the paxil. Personalities don't change overnight without help from a chemical source. I can tell my son became a completely different person.

Now the good news is that getting off the paxil will make that personality that you fell in love with return. The hard part is getting the user to realize what the drug is doing. Is he willing to wean off?


"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." MLK

He stopped cold turkey 2 days ago. He admits their are side effects like that he's forgetful, but denies that anything else I tell him I read pertains to him. I keep trying to be so calm and say please believe me, you adored us just a few weeks ago, now you're cold as ice and I don't know 1 reason you're mad at me. He says IM not mad, then I calmly discuss who will take which car and where I will go and he just acts like I am talking about the weather. I think he believes he wants to be free but he would have broke down if I ever talked like that. If he's only been on it 2 months is it possible it is definitely the paxil? And about how long until he starts to come back after cold turkey 20mgs for 2 months? Thank you so much for responding

Hopeless but hanging on.