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Anyone come back from this & stayed together?

So I don't know where I belong. I've been out on other sites for infidelity, surviving antidepressants, etc but I don't seem to connect to anyone. I feel so alone and just plain tired.

My story begins about 5 years ago when my husband was referred to a pain mgmt clinic who in turn got him addicted to oxycotin. In 2011 he was desperate to get off of it but was experiencing horrendous withdrawals so he sought help but did not want to go into rehab. He found a phychiatrist who prescribed suboxone to help with the withdrawal but this person also through in Celexa and Ambien as well as various samples of other crap here and there (which I still find bizarre!). The Suboxone brought on anxiety and sleeplessness so that is why he added in the other crap. Suboxone is only intended for short term use also. He was on it for over 2 years! In Dec 2012 the quack changed him from Celexa to Effexor and that is when the really scary descent into hell took place.

He lost what little emotion he had left and got the bonus of mania. My children and I watched him turn into a complete lunatic and not going to lie, we were afraid of him doing something to both himself and possibly us. He lost his business, spent money we didn't have, slept with a random person in his truck, and then proceeded to join every free online dating website he could find. By August I was done and asked him to move out. I consulted an attorney and this was all before I even knew about the cheating. I was done! He was gone and I couldn't save him from himself.

My consultation with the attorney left me feeling awful so I decided I should make one last attempt. Coincidentally at this time the dr tried to increase his dosage of Effexor and purely by accident, my husband started taking less because he wasn't taking the right number of pills. He started snapping out of the fog a bit and I confronted him and told him that he needed rehab and he agreed.

He went to rehab and the crazy thing is that there are people that were leaving there on the same crap he went in there to get off of! While there he was diagnosed as Bi-polar without any one even talking to me! WTH! I have a very good friend who is bi-polar and has been her whole life, he is not bi-polar. I'm sorry but I don't buy that the drugs will uncover bi-polar in a 40 something who was never bi-polar prior to the drugs!

I found out about the cheating while he was in rehab. I'm devastated! He couldn't perform because of these drugs and still has issues maintaining because of the drugs so I never thought he would actually do something like this. I know he felt like superman but I didn't think the male ego would like to be humiliated like that. I struggle as to why he could maintain for her and not me. He says that he didn't maintain but my mind goes to crazy places.

I called the women from the online sites and according to them they never met in person. I hired a detective, had his phone and computer scanned and feel like I know everything but it is still really hard! The other sites I've attempted to find support through all call BS on this and I will admit that prior to experiencing this myself I would have too. Had I not watched with my own eyes his descent into that emotionless, dark back alley I never would have believed it.

I constantly wonder what if..........I would have called the dr? I was better educated on what he was taking? I checked his phone sooner? What if What if What if!

I guess it doesn't really matter because I can't change it. He wants to make it work. I'm trying but infidelity was a dealbreaker. I am now the broken one. I don't have anyone to share this with so I go to counseling now. It helps some. I know I'm lucky that he came out of this. At first I only stuck by him through rehab because of our children. They are older and they were pissed off. I didn't want them to carry this BS with them so I was trying to make things peaceful then I was going to ask for a divorce.

He surprised me when he came out of the fog. It was like talking to a ghost. I know he was sick but does that excuse it all? Sorry to ramble, just needed to know if anyone has come back from this and stayed together?

People say yes. I am doubting it though my ex-fiancé is 5 months cold turkey from lexapro and he was on 20mg for 7 months. I have seen "windows" every 2-3 weeks but I see a different person and someone not remorseful, someone selfish and very mean to me on the other times. It's unfortunate how much these medications can affect someone and the lives of people who are not on medication. I have an ounce of hope left and it has been from all the positive stories I have heard but it is a really rough roller coaster and as much I want to hold on to the hope it's diminishing.

I wish I could answer that question. Windows we have had plenty, but my husband is in yet another deep wave now. He has been off Lexapro (also cold turkey), for 14 months.

I was so hopeful a few months ago. He was definitely in his best frame of mind thus far and it lasted four months, with progress daily. He had come out of an extremely bad wave that lasted three and a half months. We went out the night before Easter and he stopped all communication the next day. I truly thought I would see it coming if it hit again. I was wrong.

As a matter of fact, I had just warned him by text the week before that he may not be out of the woods yet and he could start feeling bad again. His answer "Yes, I am aware of that. I just want to work on making things right with us."

Barely any contact since, other than to text me that he couldn't handle this roller coaster anymore and I shouldn't have to.

So, whether he is dealing with SSRI withdrawal or mental illness or both, I do not know.

Just know almost every story is long. The brain doesn't seem to repair itself quickly. I do remember a success story that the wife said even though her husband came home a few months after getting off the pills, she didn't feel he wanted to be there and was probably only there for the kids. At about eighteen months, he seemed to show true remorse and strong feelings toward her.

I hold onto that, because even when my H is feeling better towards me, his feelings seem blunted, almost as if he is afraid to let go. He also has not shown much remorse or conscience. Still shows very shallow emotion.

I am very sorry for both of your stories. They sound very familiar to me. May God bless us all.

Here is a theory / ideology I have about this subject, guys.

People can take this medication for weeks and have a change that seemingly "snaps" into place, and then there are those who have been on them for years before any real significant change. Just as much as they seemed to "snap" one day and no longer be the ones we loved and enjoyed spending time with, the same, I believe will be the return of said individual.

As the brain changes TO the monster, it's dealing with the changes in it's own way. We don't see it usually and then one day the brain seems to 'let go' of the struggle and accept the new... setup, if you will, of it's chemical make-up. Then, you remove the drugs and TYPICALLY, it takes months upon months to even have that change to show up. Hell, symptoms usually don't even show up until 4-6 weeks after a change in dosage or quitting cold turkey. We've even seen w/d hit a year later (and even more sometimes). This is only the BEGINNING of the fight of the brain. Even when the individual feels good, the brain is struggling to adapt to the change.

You can't just stop cussing because you set your mind to it. You have to change everything about yourself, from the way you carry yourself in public, how you handle road rage and anger at the smallest of things. It takes a good while. Remember the old saying it takes a month to break any habit? Well, that's sort of true. Some folks may be able to, sure. However even for those people, their brains are still struggling even though they haven't cussed in a month. It's still a fight! We just may not be able to see it, or feel it.

So back to the brain of things, these changes often take 1.5 years (ish) on average before real changes are seen. Why? Again, it's because the brain can't change it's make up overnight. It has to change 'this' area before it can change 'that' area and so on. Baby steps. The brain was developed through baby steps in evolution and so it will be baby steps to heal itself from severe changes brought on by SSRI type of drugs.

When the brain gets to that point that it's got a good grasp on how things are going to be, it'll 'let go' of the old ways (drugged ways), just as it did when it let go getting into this mess.

The major problem we all have with this is the timeline. Our (dare I say) NORMAL brains, normal selves, can't take this bullsh!t for very long. That's what it is, bullsh!t. And we can only take so much before we (or our brains) decides "Enough is Enough" Too many times have the friends, lovers, spouses, moms, dads, children etc have waken up to find that it's been 2 years or more and "we" have walked away, making the only move we have left in this chess game where we can survive with our dignity in tact.

Good luck to us all.

Let me edit in here one more PS thought. You know how your friend, lover or whoever changes suddenly, drastically, seemingly overnight? ok, lets take my now ex wife who, by the way, just a month or so before the chest pains / Rx Citalopram started was telling me how for the last 6 years her life, our marriage and family has been a dream and how thrilled and happy she was with our lives. My now ex wife, took Citalopram for 3 months before she snapped into a monster, lying, cheating, starting drugs and drinking, both of which she despised, then ultimately divorcing. She allegedly quit after 7 months, when our divorce was final. HOWEVER, lets assume she did do just that and quit. I do not think the monster was complete by that time. I feel, that if she did in deed STOP the medication, she monster 'building' from this change was continuing. Not recessing. So let's say that for another 6 months or so after the alleged stopping of medication, her brain was STILL adjusting to the medication and the evilness of her nature was still climbing, not receding. Make sense? I hope so, cus that's about the best way I can say it.

So in other words people, stopping the drugs as mentioned countless times by the pros here, isn't the end all beginning of the end steps. In fact, I believe that the monster is still building. This is of course, with the exception of those who were on medication for 5, 6, 8 even 10+ years. Because I believe these long term users, the new person is pretty much a complete transformation into the 'wet brain' society. Hence why I also think that there's a commonality of folks who are long term users seem to have a FASTER journey BACK, than the folks who were only recently administered the medication.